Life of the Party
by Tiffany Adams
Summary: Willy goes on an unofficial date with his school friend Laura, and learns that pot and strip poker are a volatile combination. PRE-SLASH.


Title: Life of the Party  
Author: Tiffany Adams  
Summary: Willy and his school friend Laura go on a "date." Pre-slash  
Rating: PG-13  
Pairings: Willy/Laura, sort of.  
Spoilers: season 2 of the web series,"  
Disclaimer: The characters of Willy, Bucky, Deadeye, Jenny, Bruiser,  
and Blinky belong to Neal Adams and co. Just try to sue me. I have no  
$$. The lawyer fee will be more than the settlement.  
  
  
WARNING: This story contains violent language and minor sexual  
content. None of the views of the characters in this story are  
necessarily the views of the author. Any racial, ethnic, or other  
slurs are meant not to offend the reader. This story is not  
necessarily about how people really are, but about how people  
*percieve* other people to be.   
  
SCENE 1 - WASHINGTON HIGH SCHOOL  
  
A typical, urban, high school. The classroom is crowded with kids  
talking, listening to music, and busying themselves. Among them,  
towards thie front, is LAURA TORENO, the girl from the TV series, only  
older and obviously more mature. Behind her is SUSIE MICHELLS, dressed  
in a more tight outfight, who is doing her nails. Beside her is TINA  
CARERA, playing with her hair. In the back of the class, two rows  
behind Laura, is T.J. PASTOR, also from season one, who is also much  
more developed and wearing the most immodest clothing of the three of  
them.  
  
The bell rings. The teacher, MR. RICE, enters. The class quiets  
down only minimally, and a few students actually remove their  
headphones. Ignoring them, he sets down his briefcase at the desk  
and pulls out some lecture notes.  
  
As he looks over his notes, WILLY DUWITT stumbles in. He is his  
usual disheveled self, along from a very warn out look on his face,  
and a large black right eye. He stops at Rice's desk, talking briefly  
with the concerned teacher.  
  
SUSIE  
(leaning up to Laura's ear)  
Look who finally decided to show up this morning.  
  
TINA  
Yeah, fuck. We have a test in social studies.   
  
LAURA  
So?  
  
TINA  
If he didn't take it today, he wouldn't ruin the fucking curve again.  
  
LAURA  
You can't blaim him for being smart.  
  
SUSIE  
Well, yeah, that's coming from *you.* You're lucky enough to be his  
lab partner.  
  
LAURA  
It's not like I get any help from him. He sleeps through every class.  
And he's always busy after school. Either I do the lab myself or I  
depend on him to do it at work the night before it's due.  
  
SUSIE  
But you get 'A's on the labs!  
  
LAURA  
(turns around to face her)  
But not in the class! Do you think I understand a word of anything  
that comes out of Doc Webster's mouth?  
  
SUSIE  
Ask your geek lab partner!  
  
LAURA  
I'm telling you, he *sleeps through class.* He doesn't know what  
Webster says.  
  
SUSIE  
Then how's he getting a fucking 'A'? No one does good in honors  
biology!  
  
LAURA  
I told you, I don't know!  
  
Willy finishes talking with the teacher and takes the desk next to  
Laura. Slumping down in his chair, he leans back and prepares to fall  
asleep when Tina taps him on the shoulder.  
  
TINA  
(mock-seriously)  
Your parents beating you again, Willy?  
  
He does not turn around in his chair.  
  
WILLY  
(tiredly)  
Fuck off.  
  
Tina "ooohs" and just persists.  
  
TINA  
Christ, are you in a bad mood. Your parents musta beat you good.  
  
Willy physically turns around, slowly, sneering at her.  
  
WILLY  
If you *really* have to know, I was in a bar fight last night.  
  
SUSIE  
Sheah, *right*.  
  
He groans and faces forward again.  
  
TINA  
Musta been a faggot bar.  
  
Another kid, from the other side of the classroom, calls out.  
  
GUY  
*Hey!*  
  
TINA  
Sorry!  
(to herself)  
Jesus Christ, I hate San Francisco.  
  
Mr. Rice, who has long-since started the lecture, clears his  
throat in their direction. They shut up. Laura turns to Willy, but  
he's already asleep in his chair.   
  
SCENE 2 - WASHINGTON HIGH  
  
Later. The setting is now honors biology. Laura and Willy are at  
their lab table, and the teacher, DR. WEBSTER, is handing out  
disection trays. Willy is asleep with his head on the desk, with Laura  
watching him. Webster approaches their table, setting a tray and tools  
down in front of them.  
  
WEBSTER  
(to Laura)  
I suggest you wake Rip Van Winkle from his marking period-long sleep  
long enough to dissect your frog, Ms. Toreno.  
  
LAURA  
Thank you, Doc.  
(turns to Willy and shakes him)  
Willy! Wake up!  
  
Willy is startled by her shaking and snaps up.  
  
WILLY  
I'm awake, Captain!   
(awakens fully and realizes where he is)  
Oh, yeah. Sorry, Laura.  
  
LAURA  
Christ, Willy! Do you want us both to fail?  
(groans and dumps the tray on his notebook)  
What is with you?  
  
WILLY  
Sorry ... really.   
(picks up lab papers and pushes his glasses further up on his nose)  
What are we doing?  
  
LAURA  
Frog dissection.  
  
WILLY  
(looks at frog)  
No kidding.  
  
They begin to proceed with the lab. Willy remains quite out of it,  
but does the lab with the least effort possible.  
  
LAURA  
(trying to keep him awake)  
Who punched you?   
  
WILLY  
Hmm? Oh, that.   
  
LAURA  
And *don't* tell me you fell down the stairs.  
  
WILLY  
(smiles)  
No. Someone sucker-punched me.  
  
LAURA  
In a bar?  
(raises eyebrows)  
Or in the locker room?  
  
WILLY  
Bar. Seriously.   
  
LAURA  
Is that what you do on that ship of yours? Get into bar fights and  
drink?  
  
WILLY  
Well, usually not in that order.   
(rubs his eyes)  
Actually, that's the rest of the crew. I usually don't get involved.  
  
LAURA  
So what got you involved?  
  
WILLY  
Someone called me a smelly hairless baboon.  
  
LAURA  
Not much of an insult.  
  
WILLY  
It is where I work.  
  
LAURA  
You must work in a freak zone.  
  
WILLY  
I do.  
  
LAURA  
(shakes her head)  
What did McNamara used to call you? Wierd Willy?  
  
WILLY  
(rolls his eyes)  
Please, not *you* too --  
  
Laura laughs good-naturedly and smiles.  
  
LAURA  
Jeez, Willy -- what is it with you today?  
  
WILLY  
Sorry, I just didn't get a lot of sleep last night.  
  
LAURA  
Can I ask you a question?  
  
WILLY  
Go ahead.  
  
LAURA  
What drug habit are you financing that you need to work twelve hours a  
day?  
  
Willy grins sheepishly.  
  
WILLY  
I like my work. I get to work with my two favorite things.  
  
LAURA  
Computers and crack?  
  
WILLY  
Machinery and people who appreciate me.   
  
Laura shrugs and looks down at their work.  
  
LAURA  
Are you going to T.J.'s party on Saturday night?  
  
WILLY  
T.J.'s having a party?  
  
LAURA  
Are you completely --  
(stops)  
Oh, wait, you *are* out of it. Well, there's a party.  
  
WILLY  
I would seriously doubt that I would be invited.  
  
LAURA  
The entire grade is invited.  
  
WILLY  
Oh.  
(looking away)  
Well, I have work --  
  
LAURA  
Don't tell me that you work on *Saturday* night!  
  
WILLY  
I do.   
  
LAURA  
Willy, has anyone ever let you in on the fact that you have *no* life?  
  
WILLY  
My parents, on a regular basis.  
(beat)   
Besides, what reason would I have to go to a party? I don't drink, I  
don't dance, and if I ever wanted any mary j, I could just get it from  
my parents.  
  
LAURA  
(smiles)  
Willy!  
  
WILLY  
(innocently)  
What? I know they have a stash in mom's jewelry box.   
  
LAURA  
They're your parents!  
  
WILLY  
Yeah, it's wierd. I think I was adopted. No one who's smoked that much  
pot produces a kid with brain cells.  
  
Laura stifles her laughter at Dr. Webster's throat clearing.  
  
LAURA  
(whispering)  
Anyway, you need to get a life, Willy.  
  
WILLY  
You're probably right.  
  
LAURA  
So you'll come?  
  
WILLY  
(thinks about it)  
Are we allowed to bring ... out of town guests?  
  
LAURA  
Like T.J.'ll notice.  
  
WILLY  
Good point.  
(beat)  
Okay, I'll come. I owe some people a good time.  
  
LAURA  
Who, the guys who saved your ass in the bar last night?  
  
Willy ignores it and continues working, to her amusement.  
  
SCENE 3 - WASHINGTON HIGH  
  
The girl's bathroom. Laura enters, where Susie and Tina are doing  
their makeup in front of the mirrors.  
  
TINA  
(not looking away from the mirror as she does her lipstick)  
Girl, what is wrong with you?  
  
LAURA  
Who, me?  
  
TINA  
Yeah, you. I just spent all of bio watching you hit on that dork.  
  
LAURA  
What's wrong with Willy?  
  
TINA  
(huffs)  
Let's see ... he's completely out of it, he ruins the fucking curve  
every test, he --  
  
SUSIE  
(interrupting)  
He's got that wierd-ass thing on his head. The wire thing. You seen  
that thing?  
  
TINA  
I *know.* What is up with that?  
(still not looking away from the mirror, doing her mascara now)  
You stare at him all the time, girl. You should have seen that thing.  
  
LAURA  
Yeah, every once in a while.   
  
TINA  
What's that thing do? Make him smarter?  
  
LAURA  
I have no idea. I've never asked.  
  
TINA  
I wouldn't be surprised.  
(beat, putting away her makeup)  
So what were you guys talking about? Einstein's fucking theory of  
relativity?  
  
LAURA  
(leans against the way)  
T.J.'s party.  
  
TINA  
Don't tell me you actually asked him out!  
  
LAURA  
I didn't ... not directly.  
  
SUSIE  
What do you see in him?  
  
LAURA  
He's .. you know, he's not like other guys. He's sweet --  
  
TINA  
Now wait a minute, girl --  
  
LAURA  
(gives her a look)  
When you're not a jerk to him, he's sweet. And he's honest. And he's  
probably the only guy in this school not on smack.  
  
TINA  
You be quiet. Justin would beat your ass if he heard that.  
  
LAURA  
(goes to leave)  
So send your boyfriend my regards.   
  
TINA  
Maybe you'd better not let DuWitt go. He might get "curropted."  
  
Laura groans and leaves the bathroom, leaving Susie and Tina to  
giggle endlessly.  
  
SCENE 4 - T.J. PASTOR'S HOUSE  
  
Saturday. In the warm San Franciscan night, mixed crowds of  
teenagers have gathered inside and on the lawn of the high-class  
house. From the inside, one can hear loud music. Cars improperly  
parked litter the sidewalks and curbs. Gangs of romming teens scatter  
the lawn, smoking and drinking.   
  
Laura, in a casual skirt, is sitting on the rim of a car with  
KAREN RIVERA, dressed similarly. They are talking quietly when Laura  
notices a shadow approaching. Stepping into the light is Willy, in  
jeans and a shortsleeve flannel. His hair is neat and clean.  
  
WILLY  
(shyly)  
Hi.  
  
LAURA  
You came!  
  
WILLY  
Big surprise, huh?  
(shrugs)  
I said I'd be here.  
  
LAURA  
Yeah, but it's still a first for you. You know Karen, right?   
  
WILLY  
I think ... so. Maybe.  
  
KAREN  
I think we had English class together last year.  
  
WILLY  
Yeah, that was it.  
  
LAURA  
(looks around)  
Didn't you say you were bringing some friends?  
  
WILLY  
Oh, yeah.  
(looks behind him)  
They should be around.   
  
From behind the car emerge DEADEYE DUCK and JONATHAN WEISSMAN.  
Deadeye is in his usual attire, and Jonathan is wearing his black  
T-shirt and jeans.   
  
KAREN  
Nice costumes, guys. Even though this isn't Halloween.  
  
Jonathan and Deadeye exchange glances, laugh, and turn back to  
them.  
  
JONATHAN  
Thanks.  
  
WILLY  
(a little embarrassed)  
Laura, uh... Karen, this is uh, Deadeye Duck and Jonathan Weissman.  
They have whoopped some serious ass for me.  
  
DEADEYE  
Aye, we usually have to.  
  
Willy chooses to ignore this.  
  
LAURA  
You guys work on Willy's ship?  
  
DEADEYE  
Since when is it *Willy's* ship?   
  
WILLY  
Since *I* build everything.  
  
JONATHAN  
He has a point.  
  
DEADEYE  
I didn' bring ya along to back up Willy.  
  
JONATHAN  
You didn't bring anything, pirate boy.  
  
Deadeye smacks Jonathan, who is only remotely affected by this.  
  
DEADEYE  
Ignore me mate here. He's a schizo.  
  
JONATHAN  
I am not!  
  
DEADEYE  
Ya are. I read yer personel file.   
  
JONATHAN  
Did not!  
  
DEADEYE  
Did too!  
  
The two animals engage in further argument. Willy shrugs and turns  
back to the girls.  
  
LAURA  
So *these* are the people you work with?  
  
WILLY  
Yeah.  
(hops up and sits on the car)  
Deadeye works on our ship. He's the gunner. The other guy in the fight  
-- that was Bruiser, but he couldn't come. Jonathan's the first mate  
on another ship, The Screaming Mimi.   
  
KAREN  
Aren't schizophrenics, like, not allowed in the military?  
  
Willy shrugs again.  
  
LAURA  
So who outranks who?  
  
WILLY  
Uhm... I can give orders to Deadeye, and Jonathan outranks both of us.   
  
KAREN  
(watching Deadeye and Jonathan duke it out)  
This is *too* wierd.  
  
LAURA  
Yeah.  
(tugs Willy's arm)  
C'mon. Let's go inside.   
  
The three of them stand.  
  
WILLY  
(to the guys)  
C'mon guys. We're goin' in.  
  
Jonathan and Deadeye pick themselves off the ground and follow.  
  
SCENE 5 - INSIDE T.J.'S HOUSE  
  
LAURA  
I'll be back.  
  
Laura exits the room, leaving the rest of them on the couch.   
  
Moments later a very exotically dressed person in a sequined tight  
dress approaches.  
  
JONATHAN  
(oogaling)  
Hello.  
  
SABRINA  
(in a smooth voice)  
Hi, honey.  
(beat, putting hands on hips)  
Didn't anyone tell you this isn't Halloween?  
  
DEADEYE  
Trust me, lass, we've gotten tha' a buncha times tonight already.  
  
SABRINA  
(sits down between them)  
Really ....  
  
DEADEYE  
Aye, keep yer distance, lassie. Jonathan's already gotta girl.  
  
JONATHAN  
Thanks for so eloquently inserting that comment, four-arms.  
  
SABRINA  
(in a seductive voice)  
Boys, boys ...  
(to Jonathan)  
Your girlfriend find you cute all dressed up like that or something?  
  
JONATHAN  
Are you implying that there's something wrong with doin' it with a  
dog?  
  
Deadeye breaks into laughter he is unable to stifle.   
  
SABRINA  
Everybody has their own way of getting off these days.  
  
Willy returns, carrying a soda can, unphased by Sabrina's  
presence.  
  
WILLY  
Hello, Simon.   
  
SABRINA  
(in a more masculine voice)  
Hello yourself, babycakes.  
  
"Sabrina" gets up and leaves in a huff. Willy grins to himself and  
watches her leave, then glances back at Jonathan and Deadeye's  
horrofied stares. They are babbling inchorently.  
  
WILLY  
(sitting down beside them)  
What?  
  
JONATHAN  
(pulling himself together and burying his head in his paws)  
G-d, I hate San Francisco...  
  
A wiry-looking kid in mainly back and with a long haircut suddenly  
grabs WIlly's arm.  
  
WILLY  
(looks up)  
Hey! ... Oh, hi, Mike.  
  
MIKE  
(quietly)  
Can you, like, play card games?  
  
WILLY  
Huh?  
  
MIKE  
I need someone to count cards. I figured you'd be good at numbers and  
stuff.  
  
WILLY  
Uhm, I guess so.  
  
MIKE  
C'mon!  
  
Mike tries to pull him off.  
  
WILLY  
Wait -- Laura's in --  
  
MIKE  
I need you, smartass!  
  
Willy nods to Karen, who is chatting away but acknowledges him,  
and goes off with Mike. Jonathan and Deadeye look up from the couch.  
  
DEADEYE  
Should we tell Willy's girlfriend he just ditched her?  
  
JONATHAN  
Nah.  
(looks down at empty cup)  
Let's get something *real* to drink.  
  
DEADEYE  
I dunno, matey -- what a yer medication --  
  
Jonathan just grins wickedly and leads him into the kitchen.  
  
  
SCENE 6 - UPSTAIRS  
  
Mike and Willy are climbing the stairs, which is filled with  
loitering people laying on the steps and people making out. As the  
music from downstairs dies down in their ears, they reach a closed  
door.  
  
WILLY  
What are we playing?  
  
MIKE  
(banging on the door)  
Strip poker.  
  
Willy has a look of horror on his face as the door opens and Mike  
drags him in. Inside, a group of kids are sitting in a circle on the  
carpet. There is an ashtray filled with reefers and T.J. Pastor is  
shuffling cards.  
  
JOHN  
(muscular kid in varsity jacket sitting next to T.J.)  
Mike, what the fuck are you doing?   
  
MIKE  
Can it.   
(sits down, pulling Willy down with him)  
Willy's cool.  
  
T.J.  
Did you bring him to count cards?  
  
MIKE  
No! I'm dyslexic. I need him to read the cards 'cuz he's like, smart  
an' stuff. He does my math homework all the time.  
(to Willy)  
Right?  
  
WILLY  
(sits indian-style)  
Uh... right.  
  
T.J.  
Whatever.  
(dealing cards)  
Aces and jokers are wild. Everyone starts with ten bucks.  
  
Mike picks up the cards and hands them to Willy. He then stuffs  
his hands into his pockets and pulls out a few rumbled bills.  
  
T.J.   
Everyone in?  
  
MIKE  
(to Willy)  
How does it look?  
  
WILLY  
(looking at the cards, but still watching everyone else)  
Okay.  
  
SCENE 7 - KITCHEN  
  
Jonathan and Deadeye enter the kitchen, which is in shambles.  
Drinks are everywhere, alcoholic and not. MARSHA, a teenager girl with  
brown hair down to her shoulders and wearing a purple flannel is  
sitting at the table, with a tube hooked to a pump up her nose. Also  
at the table is BENEDICT, a Philipino teen reading a textbook.  
  
JONATHAN  
Uhm....  
  
MARSHA  
Hi, cutie. Can we get you anything?  
  
JONATHAN  
You guys got something to drink?  
  
MARSHA  
I've got some liquid protein, if you want some.   
  
BENEDICT  
Watch out. It's disgusting.  
  
JONATHAN  
(blehs)  
No thanks. Where's the booze?  
  
Marsha points to a cabinet. Jonathan, only three foot in height,  
climbs up onto the counter to reach the cabinet.  
  
DEADEYE  
Ach ... are you okay, lass?  
  
MARSHA  
What?   
(points to tube)  
This?  
  
DEADEYE  
Aye.  
  
MARSHA  
Just a feeding tube. I've got two bowel diseases. No, actually, one  
disease and one syndrome.  
  
DEADEYE  
I ... see. Where's it going?  
  
MARSHA  
Up my nose and down my throat, into my stomach.  
  
DEADEYE  
Ach .... I see.  
(turns to Benedict)  
Ya came to a party to read?  
  
BENEDICT  
I've got finals.  
  
MARSHA  
Benedict has finals every consecutive week.  
  
JONATHAN  
(calls out with his head buried in the cabinet)  
Got any scotch?  
  
MARSHA  
Sorry, neither of us drink. Claudia does.  
  
JONATHAN  
You know where she is?  
  
MARSHA  
Making out with Josh in the broom closet.  
  
BENEDICT  
(disapprovingly)  
Marsha!  
  
MARSHA  
What?  
(back to Jonathan)  
The punch in the living room has some scotch in it, I think.  
  
JONATHAN  
(getting down)  
Thanks.  
(to Deadeye)  
Let's go.  
  
They leave.  
  
MARSHA  
Funny looking guys.  
  
BENEDICT  
Yeah.  
  
SCENE 8 - UPSTAIRS  
  
A short while later. The game has progressed, and there is a large  
pot of poker chips in the center. Several members of the group are  
wearing considerably less articles of clothing then when they started.  
Mike has lost his shoes, socks, hat, and sweatshirt. Willy is still  
fully-clothed, holding the cards nervously.  
  
MIKE  
Geez, Willy. Chill.  
(hands him a reefer)  
Smoke?  
  
WILLY  
I don't --  
  
MIKE  
(shoves it in his mouth)  
Shut up.  
  
Willy involuntarily puffs on it before taking it out of his mouth,  
looking at it. He exhales, blowing smoke and chuckling.  
  
WILLY  
Who wrapped this?  
  
STEVEN  
(perks up)  
Huh? Me.  
  
WILLY  
This is terrible. The end is too tight and the mouth is too loose.  
  
He begins to rewrap it, to Mike's endless amusement.  
  
MIKE  
Like you don't smoke!  
  
WILLY  
Seriously, I don't. My parents taught me.  
  
JOHN  
Like shit.  
  
STEVEN  
No, I've met his parents. Their potheads.  
  
TINA  
So what happened to you, Willy?   
  
WILLY  
What?  
  
TINA  
So why are you such a square?  
  
WILLY  
I'm not.  
  
T.J.  
(rolls her eyes)  
Right.   
  
WILLY  
I'm not!  
(grabs the reefer and puffs it)  
Anyway, give me another two cards.  
  
T.J. laughs and hands him another two cards.  
  
JOHN  
Hey, dork!  
  
WILLY  
What?  
  
JOHN  
I'm raising five.  
  
WILLY  
Oh, yeah?  
(grabs Mike's chips and tosses them in)  
I'll see you and raise it ten.  
  
T.J.  
You know the rules, DuWitt.   
  
WILLY  
Huh? Mike's doin' it for me.  
  
T.J.   
No, he isn't. You raised, he didn't.  
  
JOHN  
Yeah, dorkboy. Shut up and strip.  
  
WILLY  
Fuck you.  
  
John stands angrily, but T.J. grabs him by his pant leg and pulls  
him down.  
  
T.J.  
Cool it.  
(to Willy)  
Do it. And the shoes don't count. This is the second hand already.  
  
Willy frowns nervously and, after some hesitation, pulls his shirt  
over his head, feeling very unhappy that he didn't bother to wear an  
undershirt.  
  
STEVEN  
See, what were you worried about? You're cute.  
  
TINA  
Steven you fag, stop making passes at him.  
  
STEVEN  
(offended)  
What? He's not seeing anyone. Right, Willy?  
  
The camera turns back to Willy, who is now nursing the reefer to  
ease his nerves.   
  
WILLY  
Huh?  
  
STEVEN  
Forget it.  
(beat)  
You work out, Willy?  
  
WILLY  
No, but I have a very physically demanding job.  
  
TINA  
Like shit, DuWitt. You're an engineer.  
  
STEVEN  
Engineer? Where do you work?  
  
Willy is now incredibly high.  
  
WILLY  
(laughing)  
On a spaceship.  
  
They all giggle, smoke filling the room.  
  
  
SCENE 9 - OUTSIDE  
  
Jonathan and Deadeye emerge from the house to get a breath of  
fresh air. Deadeye is sober, but Jonathan leers a bit in his steps.  
Outside, there is a gang of kids sitting in and around a beat-up car  
parked on the lawn, crushing the mailbox. One of the kids is  
recognizable as DOUG MCNAMARA, now a high school senior. They are  
talking amongst themselves until they spot the two aniversians.  
  
TOM  
Woah, what a bunch of wierdos.  
  
Jonathan growls drunkenly.  
  
TOM  
What?  
(gets up, approaching them)  
Didn't anyone tell you guys this isn't fuckin' Halloween.  
  
DEADEYE  
Aye, we ain't wearing costumes.  
  
TOM  
Like shit.  
(looks at them closely)  
Do you even go to our school?  
  
JONATHAN  
(slurred)  
We're wi' Willy.  
  
DEADEYE  
Aye, crewmates.  
  
DOUG  
(from hood of car)  
Willy DuWitt? That fucking wierdo?  
  
Both of the mammals perk up.  
  
DEADEYE  
Ya be insultin' me crewmate?  
  
TOM  
What the fuck did you just say?  
  
JONATHAN  
H' ask'd if yer insultin' Willy.  
  
DOUG  
(stands, still on car, towering over them)  
Of course I am. That faggot? I beat his ass once a week.  
  
JONATHAN  
Before or after I screw your momma?  
  
Doug's rage is ignited by Jonathan's comment. Deadeye is confused  
by it, but understand Jonathan's intent. The bully leaps off the car  
and comes charging at Jonathan, who is less than half his size.  
Unnerved, Jonathan simply puts out his paw in a fist in front of him.  
Doug hits it, and the sound of a body hitting a metal-like object is  
herd. Doug doubles back, seething. Jonathan laughs.  
  
DEADEYE  
Ya'd better watch out for me fleetmate, lass. He's a dawg of steel.  
  
JONATHAN  
You said it.  
  
The charge at the group. Fighting ensues.  
  
SCENE 10 - UPSTAIRS  
  
The group upstairs has continued their game, the room filled with  
smoke. Only Willy, Mike, and John are left with cards. Everyone else  
has tossed in their hands or passed out.   
  
JOHN  
Okay ... let's get this damn game finished.  
  
He tosses down his hand.  
  
JOHN  
Full house.  
  
Willy also exposes his hand.  
  
WILLY  
Royal flush.  
  
JOHN  
Fuck you!  
  
WILLY  
What? We won, asshole.  
  
John and Willy simultaniously stand angrily. Mike has an "oh shit"  
look on his face as he rises beside his partner.  
  
MIKE  
Let's get out of here.  
  
WILLY  
What's the problem?!?  
  
MIKE  
(whispering)  
He's gonna kick our asses!  
  
WILLY  
Oh, you're *quick.*  
  
MIKE  
Screw it, I'm outta here!  
  
Mike darts out the door, leaving John and Mike standing. Before  
Willy can say anything, John pushes his exposed chest. The engineer is  
shoved back into the dresser. He collapses onto the ground, in a pile  
of clothing.  
  
T.J.  
*Jesus* John!  
(stands and grabs his arm)  
You're going to ruin my parents' furniture!  
  
With John distracted, Willy hurries to his feet and scrambles out  
of the room. Still disoriented, he stumbles through the hallway,  
avoiding the other teenagers until he runs into STEPHANIE, one of the  
girls from the poker game.   
  
STEPHANIE  
Hey ....  
  
Dumbfounded that somene popular is talking to him, Willy gapes and  
says nothing.  
  
STEPHANIE  
Come on...  
  
  
SCENE 11 - UPSTAIRS  
  
Stephanie pulls him into the bathroom, shutting the door behind  
her. As he stands there, dumbfounded as the drugs wear off, she hops  
up on the counter, her short skirt hiking higher in front of Willy's  
eyes.  
  
STEPHANIE  
(in a soft voice)  
Didn't anyone ever tell you it's rude to stare?  
  
He says nothing, still quite removed from the situation, until she  
rubs her hand against his chest. He doubles back, frightened.  
  
STEPHANIE  
What?  
(beat)  
It's just sex.  
  
WILLY  
I know .... but ....  
(straightens himself out)  
This isn't what I want.  
  
Stephanie sighs and looks around.  
  
STEPHANIE  
Take it or leave it, Willy.  
  
Willy steels himself, but says nothing, obviously intent on  
standing firm. She groans, tosses him his shirt, and storms out of the  
bathroom.  
  
SCENE 12 - OUTSIDE  
  
Deadeye and Jonathan are the only two left standing on the lawn.  
The entire gang is laid out on the grass. The aniversians are  
congradulating each other when they feel a tap on their shoulder. They  
spin around to face BUCKY O'HARE and JENNY, out of uniform.   
  
DEADEYE  
Ah... hi, Cap'n. Can we help you?  
  
BUCKY  
Jenny and I wanted to check this out, after Chairman Warner told us  
what happens at human parties.  
  
JONATHAN  
You gotta stop talking to Fritz. He's got an overactive imagination.  
  
BUCKY  
(checking out the pile of unconscious teens)  
It doesn't look like it. What the hell happened here?  
  
DEADEYE  
Ah, Cap -- we were defendin' Willy's honor.  
  
JENNY  
Does Willy know about this?  
  
DEADEYE  
I haven't seem 'im recently.   
  
JONATHAN  
Me neither.  
  
Bucky sighs and shakes his head.  
  
BUCKY  
Do I have to remind you guys that you are supposed to be *responsible  
adults*?  
  
DEADEYE  
Corsairs consider honor-defending responsible, Cap'n.  
  
BUCKY  
They also consider looting and plundering responsible.  
  
Deadeye shrugs. Willy emerges from the house in a haze, but  
wearing all of his clothes.  
  
BUCKY  
Engineer DuWitt?  
  
The teenager sobers himself and salutes.  
  
WILLY  
Captain.  
  
JENNY  
(looks at him)  
Are you okay?  
  
WILLY  
Yeah, man.  
  
Jenny shoots a glance at her captain, who rolls his eyes.  
  
BUCKY  
Isn't there someone you're supposed to be with?  
  
Willy's eyes widen as realization sinks in.  
  
DEADEYE  
Aye, mate. The lassie was lookin' for ya.  
  
WILLY  
Oh *shit* -- 'scuse me, Cap --  
  
He runs off, back into the house. Bucky grins, then turns back to  
Jenny, seriously.  
  
BUCKY  
Is my engineer -- what's the word I'm looking for?  
  
JONATHAN  
Stoned, sir?  
  
BUCKY  
Right. Is he "stoned"?  
  
JENNY  
Ah, Bucky...  
(wraps her arm around him)  
He's just a teenager. He's acting his age, for once. Let him go.  
  
BUCKY  
(sighs)  
I suppose you're right.  
(turns to Jonathand Deadeye)  
But that doesn't mean *you* guys get off. You're adults, remember?  
(at Jonathan)  
And *you're* on medication.  
  
JONATHAN  
Damnit, does everyone in the aniverse have to know about that?  
  
BUCKY  
I read your personnel file.  
  
JONATHAN  
G-d damnit --  
  
BUCKY  
Language!  
(hardens)  
As a result of both of your failures to keep a responsible watch on  
Willy and yourselfs, you both have KP duty for a week.  
  
JONATHAN & DEADEYE  
*What*?  
  
BUCKY  
(grins maliciously)  
You heard me. Now go.  
  
The two aniversians salute and run off. Bucky shakes his head and  
clicks his tongue.  
  
BUCKY  
You think I was too hard on them?  
  
JENNY  
It's always nice to make sure those ruffians stay in line, Buck.  
(smiles)  
Besides, you don't want them to set a bad example for Willy.  
  
BUCKY  
You want to stay and see how the girlfriend situation turns out?  
  
JENNY  
I don't think it's any of our business, actually.  
  
BUCKY  
Then let's ... what's the term Fritz would use?  
  
JENNY  
Blow this joint?  
  
BUCKY  
Exactly.  
  
They walk away from the house, arm in arm.  
  
  
SCENE 13 - TJ'S HOUSE, ROOF  
  
Laura is sitting on the low, flat roof, staring out at the sky and  
hanging her legs over the edge silently. She does not turn away when  
she hears footsteps behind her, as Willy climbs out of the window and  
makes it way up next to her.  
  
WILLY  
Geez, was it hard to find you --  
  
Laura does not respond.  
  
WILLY  
Hey, I'm sorry, okay? It wasn't, like, supposed to happen.  
  
LAURA  
(not looking at him)  
What? That you weren't supposed to ditch me?  
  
WILLY  
Yeah. But Mike grabbed me and you were in the bathroom and I was in  
this game, and John Gretzky was gonna kick my ass, and --  
  
LAURA  
(sighs, looking at him)  
Willy, do you get this conversation at *all*?  
  
WILLY  
What?  
  
LAURA  
(sighs heavily and looks away again)  
Are we in a relationship or not?  
  
WILLY  
*What*?  
  
LAURA  
Are you *completely* oblivious?!?  
(beat)  
Are we going out or not?   
  
WILLY  
Huh?  
(thinks about it)  
I mean, yes ... no ... I didn't know I was committed to, like,  
something here.  
  
LAURA  
(softer)  
Well, do you want to be?  
  
Willy looks completely petrified, not saying anything for quite a  
long time.  
  
WILLY  
I ... don't know.  
  
LAURA  
What are you, gay or something?  
  
WILLY  
(without thinking)  
No!  
  
LAURA  
Then what's up with you?  
  
WILLY  
I just ... I dunno. I'm not sure what I ... want in a relationship  
yet.  
  
Laura looks genuinely touched by his honestly. She leans over and  
kisses him deeply, then pulls away before he can retract in fear.  
  
LAURA  
Give me a call when you figure it out.  
  
She stands and climbs back in the house through the window. Willy  
lies back against the roof, looking up at the stars for several  
minutes. He is only distracted when his vision is blocked by an  
approaching figure.  
  
STEVEN  
Hey, Willy.  
  
WILLY  
Hello, queer.  
  
STEVEN  
(unaffected; sits down beside him)  
Laura just dump you?  
  
WILLY  
No, I think I dumped her.  
  
STEVEN  
Why? I mean, if I was interested, I would go out with her.  
  
WILLY  
Well, I'm not, so I'm not.  
(beat)  
How come the entire grade seems to think we're a couple?  
  
STEVEN  
Because she flirts with you. We were just assuming that you're  
flirting back if she's keeping it up like she is.  
  
WILLY  
I'm not.  
  
STEVEN  
(shrugs)  
That's life, I guess. Consider yourself lucky.  
  
WILLY  
Why?  
  
STEVEN  
Most guys would consider themselves lucky to have someone all over  
them.  
  
WILLY  
I guess. But ... my mind's not on it, you know? I'm not used to people  
finding me attractive.  
  
STEVEN  
This is because you were a dork all of your life.   
  
WILLY  
And I'm not a dork now all of the sudden?  
  
STEVEN  
You wouldn't be if you fucked Stephanie.  
  
WILLY  
(sits up)  
What?  
  
STEVEN  
The bet. You didn't know?  
(takes out a candy bar, unwraps it, and begins eating)  
T.J. bet Steph to fuck you.  
  
Willy sighs and takes off his glasses.  
  
STEVEN  
Not surprised, huh?  
(breaks off a piece of the bar and hands it to Willy)  
If it means anything, I respect you for turning her down.  
  
WILLY  
I'm glad someone does.  
  
STEVEN  
You realize the entire school's gonna think you're homo now?  
  
WILLY  
It's occured to me.  
(beat)  
Of course, that's not really a bad thing in this town.  
  
STEVEN  
You said it.  
  
WILLY  
Do *you* find me attractive?  
  
STEVEN  
(glances at him briefly)  
Yeah.  
  
WILLY  
(giggling)  
Fuckin' homo.  
  
STEVEN  
Yeah, but at least *I'm* comfortable with *my* sexuality.   
(stands before Willy can answer)  
See ya in homeroom.  
  
Steven leaves Willy to himself.  
  
THE END 


End file.
